God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize