I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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