the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize