shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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