got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
