I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize