i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
