Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
