And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
