so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
