So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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