i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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