Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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