dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He did a backflip because drugs
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
