dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
