He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
