Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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