do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
