I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize