You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize