shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
