Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
