just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
