just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
