They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
