I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
