new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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