i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
