soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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