Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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