i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
And then he peed in my hair
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