we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
