Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
