There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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