I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
