He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
