Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
