On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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