I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
