Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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