Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
organizing the empties. That sober.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
