I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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