Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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