You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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