my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My Higher Power is John Stamos
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
