I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
