Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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