somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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