Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
