Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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