those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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