He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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