I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
