Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
