did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize