shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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