we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
