im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
