On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
