True but thats because hes a fetus.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
