the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
