were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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