never play flip cup with pint glasses
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
