I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She needs sedatives and a leash
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
