Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I love having hate sex.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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