so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
