This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
