Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize