I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
