When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
