He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
