im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
