he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
