As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
