I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wear drunk well.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
