i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
